Are rough. Absolutely mind numbingly rough. Sometimes, in the night, Genevieve will be crying, and I will think to myself, what in the world is that noise? Oh, please stop making that racket! I am trying to sleep, here. Oh, wait! The baby!!
You think I am kidding? I am not.
Right now it is 5 am. I have been up for an hour and a half. I finally got the baby to go back to sleep, but now I am up. I have to be up soon, anyway. So, I might as well get some things done.
I had forgotten how absolutely, utterly tiring newborns are. Combine that with an energetic 4 and 2 year old and you have a recipe for exhaustion.
I am enjoying my new baby. Everything is just RUSHED! I have to hurry and accomplish things while the baby is sleeping or happy. For example, I feed the girls, then nurse the baby, get her settled. Jump up and clean the kitchen as quickly as possible, because someone will need me. Whether it is a letting the dog out/in, someone on the potty, an owie, disciplining, reading books, whatever. There is always something or someone that needs Mommy.
Genevieve is finally taking a long morning naps, so I am getting a little bit of quality time with the other two girls. But, with Brian gone, evenings are long and bath time/bedtime is a nightmare. Slowly, but surely, we are settling into a new routine, change is just hard. Hard on all of us.
I get frustrated looking at some of the blogs that I follow or pinterest. Hardly anyone in the internet world is truly honest about their daily lives. I know that their lives aren’t picture perfect, so why portray them that way? As much as I enjoy sewing and crafting and cooking, there is only SO much perfection I can observe. Most days, I don’t even get around to getting dressed, much less craft/sew/shop in a coordinated outfit, down to the matching flats. I usually get spit up down my back within 30 minutes of my morning, just like with Isabel, my new perfume scent is called Glorious Motherhood.
Click on that link. Look at Isabel and Kate. How little and precious they were two and a half years ago. Now look at them.
I read that post, before I linked it up. I realize I had a difficult time adjusting to 2 children, just like I am having difficulties adjusting to 3. It’s just that I am lonely in the evenings. During the day, everything is fine. But almost every single dinner time, someone spills a whole glass or bowl of something. Isabel spilled her bowl of hot soup on her lap Saturday, burning her little legs. I was trying to calm the baby when it happened. So, I put the baby on the floor quickly, jerked off Isabel’s shorts, stuck her in the sink to spray cold water on her. While Kate is calmly dumping an entire box of crackers on the table to eat with her soup. Genevieve is still screaming.
Last night, I accidentally deleted the pictures on my camera from the past 2 weeks. It included my baby shower pictures. So upsetting. I had also taken some precious pictures of the girls Sunday morning after church for their Daddy. Sunday night, we lost the keys to the house and were locked out after church for about an hour while we waited for someone to come help us break in. A lady that I really admire reminds me weekly “to stay above the chaos.” Sometimes that is seems so difficult. I am so afraid of becoming that crazy, frazzled mother who yells and screams at their kids. I am terrified of becoming a bitter, hateful wife because I am alone 6 months a year. So, I turn to the only One who can help. I was encouraged this morning when I read Psalms 77. He says:
In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord: my sore ran into the night, and ceased not: my soul refused to be comforted. I remembered God, and was troubled: I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed. Thou holdest mine eyes waking: I am so troubled I cannot speak.
I am so thankful I am not the only one who thinks this way. I am not the only one who feels despair and cannot even vocalize it to the One who can help. Further down in this passage he says:
I will surely remember the works of the Lord: surely I will remember thy wonders of old. I will meditate also of all they work, and talk of all thy doings… Thou are the God that doest wonders.
I just need to focus on my blessings, trusting in Him. He has been faithful, taking care of me and my girls time and time again while Brian is gone. I just need to remember that.
More blessings than I deserve….