Was horrible on so many levels and in so many ways.
I cannot even begin to tell you how rotten it was. But I am going to try. It started out with me being absolutely exhausted. Mama and I had a yard sale together at her house over the weekend. We went to church Sunday morning, but I could not seem to get out of my chair for church Sunday night. Plus, Kate and Isabel took extra long naps and still weren’t awake when it was time to leave. When Kate finally did awake, she was very hyper. She likes to dance in front of the mirror. So, this night she is dancing and twirling, completely out of control. She trips and falls forward. She landed with her neck wedged onto the edge of a wooden stool, bruising her neck and throat. Needless to say, it scared me to death. She is choking and making these strangling noises. She is drooling all over me while hysterically crying. She has this huge mark across her throat. When I finally calm her down, she can only whisper. She says she can’t swallow.
Then, I made a mistake.
I googled bruised throat, then called my mom.
Of course, she says, RUSH HER TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM!!!
I say, I don’t know. I am think I am going to wait. It is about the time that Brian wakes up over yonder, and sometimes we skype when he gets dressed. So, I told Mama I would call Brian and ask him.
While we are skyping, Kate is in my lap. He is watching her, but she doesn’t realize it. She keeps swallowing and smiling at him. Her voice is still hoarse, but she seems okay at this point. So, we decided not to take her.
The next day, Isabel and Kate are taking a bath. I keep hearing lots of splashing, thumping, and giggling. So, I decide to see what the commotion is. They are both standing up, Kate has her leg up and Isabel is holding it…..then somehow they both fall in slow motion. I see Isabel’s mouth smack the edge of the tub, blood spurts EVERYWHERE! I pick her up and wrap her in a towel. We rush into the kitchen where I pour sugar all in her mouth and under her lip to stop the bleeding. (A trick I learned from my Aunt Trudy.) Poor Isabel ends up with a huge fat lip for several days. It was even black on the inside.
She liked showing it off.
Isabel got into the vaseline and spread it all over her body and clothes. While I was attempting to clean up slimy, greasy vaseline, Kate was skyping with daddy. Well, she was sitting in the office chair in front of the computer. Wait, let me rephrase that, she wasn’t just sitting there, she was twirling the chair around and around. She accidentally hit my coffee cup and coffee went everywhere! All over the desk, computer, bills, letters, papers, and pictures I had just printed out to mail to Grandma. UGH!
This was also the week I decide to redo a dresser for the girls’ bedroom (more on that later) AND their closet AND wash all the winter clothes. All with a serious bad attitude on my part. The girls did not want to cooperate with me at all. Disobedience was the norm. Then, I sliced my finger open on a knife. We also had several more falling downs and other such injuries.
Every single time some disaster occurred, it would frustrate me to no end. Every little thing annoyed me. I wish I could blame it on single motherhood. But, that isn’t true. I had this attitude problem at times when Brian was home.
Everything and everybody was getting on my nerves. I didn’t feel like making dinner, breakfast, or lunch. I don’t even think the girls brushed their teeth but a few times. One day, I literally just screamed and screamed. No words, just screams. Then tears. The poor girls just looked at me. Kate then ran to the playroom and cleaned it up. It was almost spotless. I have to admit I was really proud of her cleaning job.
The Lord has been working on my heart about this again. I get so caught up in myself and my selfishness. I stop reading His word. I stop praying. I take my focus off being what He wants me to be and instead do what I want. I then become a miserable mess. I react to things in a way that is displeasing to God and to those around me. I become a horrible mother and wife.
Now don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that reading my Bible and praying every day makes everything hunky dory and no annoying things happen and all of a sudden I am a perfect little mommy. (Like that horribly long sentence?) I am still human and my children are still bad at times. But, when I make my focus pleasing Jesus instead of myself, my reactions are usually calmer.
I couldn’t have a higher calling than to be a mother. It is the most wonderful thing in the world to be allowed to do. That is what God wants me to be. A keeper at home. A teacher of my children, a helper to my husband.
Titus 2:4-5 says,
That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
I have been working on a Bible study entitled Holy Women. It goes through Proverbs 31, Titus 2, and lots of different women as examples. It has truly been a blessing and a help. Lots of things I didn’t even know. Not only am I learning them, but I am learning why. I also recently read a book called, Created to be his Helpmeet by Debi Pearl which really helped me a lot the last few weeks Brian was home.
So, this week, I have been focusing more on God and the girls instead of me, myself, and I. Once again, this has proven to be the way to live my life. Now, the girls still fuss, argue, scream, and get hurt. But, I seem to be handling it better. Because I spent time this morning (and another morning or two) in His word and in prayer. It wasn’t hours and hours, but it was enough to help me to focus on Him.
For you other young girls and mothers who seem to be struggling and have days or weeks where all you want to do is scream and pull your hair out, cry and pitch a fit. I suggest getting up in the morning before your children do and spend some time with Jesus. Then you can truly enjoy moments such as these instead of thinking about all the mess they are making, and all the work you still have to do.